Before Bitsy....(part 2)

**Please be advised that this post is a continuation of yesterday's and is a heavy topic.  It is the story of the worst day of my life.

The Monday following our miscarriage my diary entry reads as follows:

This morning we went to see Dr. *****.  He did an exam & confirmed that the cervical plug was gone.  He told us he would see us at 1:30 for my surgery.  (I had to have a D&C to ensure I didn't get an infection).  I was surprised to find out he would be doing the surgery.  It was a comforting feeling.  I was really nervous about the surgery.  Bud helped me change into my surgical gown.  I had to crawl into that bed which made today the 2nd worst day.    I teared up while talking to the nurse.  They/she attempted to start my IV in my hand.  She asked why I hated needles.  I explained that it never seems to take the first time & subsequent attempts make me nauseous.  She tried my hand & quickly realized she failed.  "Oh dear, now I know why she dislikes these," she said.  She made the 2nd attempt in my arm, it took.  The anesthesiologist put 3 needles worth of something into my IV.  I remember kissing Bud & telling him I loved him & then they rolled me off.  I remember going thru double doors & lining up with another bed.  That's when I must have fallen asleep.  The next thing I remember is waking up in recovery.  I wasn't shocked, I wasn't even surprised where I was.  I had saltines & grape juice waiting for me.  I remember the saltines were too dry, but 4 grape juice cups later & we were about to be released.  Bud helped me dress & they wheeled me to the car.  Bud & I headed to Wal-mart to pick up my Rx.  Bud & I spent the evening recovering.  I HATE that I had to have surgery.  I still hate this situation.

Having a miscarriage is the hardest thing I've ever been through.  I think what makes it even harder is that it isn't over and done with all at once.  There is the surgery, the recovery, the follow-up check-ups, and then of course the fact that you aren't supposed to start trying to have a baby for another 8 weeks.  Having to wait those 8 weeks before we were cleared to try again was like a constant reminder of what had happened.  I'm not saying that I wanted to pretend like the miscarriage didn't happen, but I certainly didn't want to dwell on it.  On multiple occasions I read information I found online about people who didn't wait the 8 weeks post surgery and who were blessed with healthy babies.  I would tell Bud we didn't need to really wait, but he was the rock during that time.  He was firm and believed we should follow the doctor's orders and allow my body to recover.

Obviously, we waited. 

And when we were cleared 8 weeks later, we prayed...again that God would bless us with a child be it his will and in his time.

4 weeks later....the doctor confirmed we were pregnant.

Doctors tell us that miscarriage during the first trimester is most often attributed to chromosomal abnormality, improper implantation of the egg, trauma, &/or hormonal problems.  

I will never know what the cause of our miscarriage was, but honestly when I look at my healthy baby girl...I know deep down that it doesn't matter.  

She is here and she is our world.

We can not imagine our life any other way, nor do I want to!

Please know that if you are reading this and you have experienced a miscarriage, you are not alone.
If you need an ear to listen, a shoulder to cry on, and/or a heart that can relate to your own...I am here and willing.

I hope you had a Blessed Monday!