The Chapman Guide to Marriage After Children
This is another book that was given to me by my friend KV.
She kinda showered me/us with books about parenting!
The note she included said the following....
"We got you these books in hope that they would give you some useful advice. Because Lord knows we don't know nothin' 'bout 'raisin no babies".
This makes me laugh each time I read it!
So thank you KV!
Gary Chapman's "Now What?" book is a quick read that covers some of the main points couples face as they transition from coupledom to parenthood.
The introduction includes a section that states:
"I have intentionally kept this book brief because I am aware that many couples believe that they don't have time to read a book. You can probably read this book in less than two hours..."
He is accurate in both assessments.
This book is a quick read and it can be difficult to get both partners to read a book start to finish.
Bud and I started by reading one chapter at a time and handing it off to the other until they were caught up.
The chapters included are as follows:
1. Making Marriage a Priority- A chapter in which you are to determine what season your marriage is currently in, be it Springtime (new beginnings), Summer (deep connection), Fall (unwanted change), or Winter (difficulty). Once you know where you are it's important to think about what season you want to be in.
2. Taking Control of Your Schedules- Explains how important it is for the right person to do the right job in the house. It also covers getting our children on a schedule and the importance of taking time for ourselves.
3. Taking Control of Your Money- Money tends to be the major point of contention in many marriages. This chapter attempts to explain how we should put our money where our priorities are as well as how to spend less and enjoy it more. If you think your marriage would benefit from a weekend away than it is in your best interest to start saving for a weekend away. On the other hand it's important to find ways to increase quality time without spending (much if any) money which can include things as simple as sitting on the porch, going for a walk, or getting an ice cream cone together.
4. Learning to Effectively Discipline Children- Consistency seems to be the main point in this chapter. It works in direct correlation with your child's love language. I may not agree with all the discipline methods that Chapman recommends, but he makes a valid point that it is important that children be raised knowing the rules and the consequences for breaking those rules. Both parents should be clear on these rules so that there is unity in discipline techniques. How you handle disciplining your child will vary family to family.
5. Discovering the Key to Intimacy- Chapman mentions in Chapter 5 that "Chances are you would not be reading this if you had the level of intimacy you desire in your marriage". I disagree. What I do agree with is...After a baby or children enter into your marriage it will change (I know I don't have a baby yet...only 4ish more weeks, but it makes sense). My father says, "Life changes as you know it....it's not over, it's just different". Thus in order to accommodate the new life in your relationship it seems apparent that the attention that was once spent on your spouse may diminish some. It's important to reaffirm your commitment to your spouse and make them feel loved.
This book is a quick compilation of one man's theories and suggestions. It's not the end all be all of how to run your marriage or your parenting skills. I'd recommend couples read it as a way to spark conversation about HOW they would like to handle life after baby/kids. I've seen it far to many times, however, when couples marry they stop 'woo-ing' each other. Marriage does not seal the deal, it's what you put into the marriage after the "I dos'" that make it a marriage. Commitment, love, honor, and partnership are all values that need not diminish after the honeymoon. If you can continue to cultivate these values in your marriage after the children come along, I honestly believe the transition will be easier.
Book or no book, the important message is that children do not reinforce a marriage. Nor are children to blame for the dissipation of marriage. "Since they are no longer two but one, let no one split apart what God has joined together."~Matthew 19:6
I hope you all had a Blessed Saturday!
This week's verse to memorize:
"O Lord, your unfailing love fills the earth; teach me your decrees." ~Psalm 119:64
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